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“At the beginning, the 'sleeping experience' in the room, which may cause anxiety for the child, will turn into a proud act as time goes by and the anxiety gradually decreases. Çocuk Gökçe Küçükyazıcı tells about the children's habit of sleeping with the parents.
The first year of life is the period in which “basic sense of trust ta develops in children. In this first year of life, the child needs to be with his mother, to be affectionate and to be cared for. The most important means of expressing the needs of the child, recognizing the outside world and feeding them are the mouth and lips. For this reason, breastfeeding is not only important in terms of feeding the child, but also providing a sensual contact with the mother and relieving tension. In this period, it is important for the mother to be in the nearest place that the child can reach, in order to meet these needs of the child. A baby whose mother is not there when she needs it is experiencing serious anxiety and tension, and when her mother comes to her, she is relieved.
In order to develop a 'basic sense of trust' in the child, he / she must learn that the periods of separation are short-lived, especially in the first year of life, and that the future and separation are reversible even if the mother is not present. After learning this, the child develops a sense of trust and hope. In the following period, the separation becomes less worrying for the child, and the tension it creates in the child decreases to a much more tolerable level than before. If, for various reasons, this first year of life passes with prolonged separations and apathy, the child tends to exhibit an insecure, insecure, or lack of empathy structure in close relationships in later years.
For all these reasons, and in addition, the child needs to sleep together, especially in the first year of life, in order to establish a sleep-waking habit, a feeding habit, and the mother to learn to adapt to it.
After this age, even if the child is in a separate room, the mother can get used to staying apart if they can easily reach him. In short, we can say that if the possibilities allow the child to be ready to leave the parents after the age of 1 year.
Basically, the development of the ability to sleep in a separate room for the child, just like walking, running, holding spoons are very enjoyable, showing independence and individualization and self-confidence improvements. The fact that the child sleeps in a separate room provides a comfortable transition to daycare and schooling. The 'experience of sleeping in the room', which may initially cause anxiety for the child, will turn into a proud action as time goes by and the anxiety gradually decreases.
It is the duty of the parents to understand the anxiety that the child may experience and to be supportive and encouraging. It will be discouraging for the child's next attempt if the child is worried after any failed experience and the child is guilty of being strict. Ex. It is wrong to take a child who has been sleeping in his own room back into the parent's room after any fearful dream. Instead, sitting next to the bed for a while and after the child is caressed the head will be more appropriate behavior to ensure sleep. In addition, failure to leave the child's room will cause changes in the hours of stay of the child, mother and father, and parents may have to sleep in separate rooms, which will adversely affect the relationship between parents.
There are many reasons why children do not want to go to bed alone. Some of these may be related to the developmental period of the child and some of them are related to parental attitudes and life events.
Children between 3 and 5 years of age are more interested in gender differences and sexual-related issues in accordance with the psychosexual developmental period. In this period, girls are more fond of fathers, and boys can be more fond of mothers. They can behave like touching the mother and observing their differences. At this age, the child identifies with the parent of his gender. They may want to sleep between them. All of this is part of normal development.
Fears: We encounter more specific fears in children at certain ages. Especially in the age of 3-4, dark, monster, creature out of the cabinet, such as fears are often encountered. This may lead to refusal to sleep alone in children. The task for the mother or caregiver is to help the child to fall asleep. Approaches such as reading fairy tales, singing a lullaby, caressing her hair and putting a favorite toy in her room give the child a feeling of comfort and safety.
An increase in fears is observed again after 6 years of age. Children's stories, movies, etc. too much influence. Because abstract thought is not fully developed, the fears of death, etc. Fears such as children may raise anxiety of separation from parents. A satisfactory explanation should be made and a reassuring attitude should not be given in a language that children will understand about their concerns. Ex. a wrong answer to a question that the child asks about death, such as “death is falling asleep and not waking up eme, does not want to sleep in the child, adhesion to the mother, etc. such as may have adverse consequences.
Often, such fears are considered to be part of normal development and tend to improve spontaneously and with correct approaches, without additional support, if not impairing the child's quality of life.
Every new situation that children encounter in their lives, such as the birth of a sibling, relocation, divorce of the parents, deaths, day-care or schooling, is just as worrying as in adults. In such cases, children have gained the ability to sleep alone, toilet skills, etc. may exhibit behavior less than the age, changes in sleep appetite, finger sucking and nail eating behavior. In such processes, such behaviors of the child should be understood, patient should be treated according to the difficulty of the process and the child should be encouraged to re-exhibit his old skills. Family members should not refrain from receiving expert support, especially in situations that create serious stress for both the parent and the child.
Parents' attitude errors:
We are more concerned with the problem of not being able to sleep alone in the children of anxious, anxious and overprotective protective parents. Here, the mother exhibits an attitude that is dependent on the child, and the behavior and the child model this behavior of the mother in the same way. It is known that children who have frequent respiratory infections, allergies, or other health problems are not often separated from their mothers since their childhood, and this behavior reinforces the dependence between mother and child, even in good faith, and adversely affects the individualization and confidence development of the child. In addition, it can be seen that these children often have difficulty in starting daycare and school, and they may experience serious separation anxiety.
Another attitude mistake made by parents is to trigger children's fears without realizing it. The mistake made here is that children who refuse to sleep are often intimidated.
Another erroneous parental attitude is often exhibited by divorced or working parents. In both cases, parents feel that they do not have enough time and attention to their children or that they cannot spend quality time together, so they lay their children with some kind of guilt and thus prevent the individualization of the child without realizing it.
Parents should know that if they come home with the child in the evening for a few hours, or if they are a divorced couple, spending the weekend together will be enough to provide the child with the love, care and confidence they need.